Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Charmed life

PF once again-

After reading through S's last post, I realize that some thank you's are in order to the universe and various people within it for helping me have the life and loves that I do.

First, I must pay respect to my parents. Understand, my dad's a evangelical minister of conservative bent, and both of my parents are pretty significantly different in fundamental ways than I. Years ago, I was trying to figure out WHY was I born into this particular family? What was it I needed to learn from these people that I felt so little personal resonance with? The conclusion I came to was that my parents have a strong relationship with one another, and that I needed to learn those skills to be able to navigate this life that I now live. So, kudos to you, Mom and Dad, for teaching me the basics of what I needed to have healthy relationships as an adult! Mom, Dad, I love you.

Second, my husband. We've been together as a couple for almost 15 years now. That's coming up on half our lifetimes! We've grown up together from early adulthood, and he has the exceptional quality of allowing people to be, and become who they are. He has held me in moments of joy and sorrow, through confusion, and spurred me on to create and recreate myself, even when it's been uncomfortable for him personally. I've always had laughter and support in my life, and a sense of belonging, of being home, with him. This stable base has allowed me to dream bigger than I would ever have on my own, in ways that are healthy, and experiencing the security of knowing that there is always a safe space to be. PG, I love you.

Third, my former lover, C. We explored a lot of early poly territory together for 6 years. He encouraged me to be my most outrageous, to push my edges, to think outside the box and see the box when I was oblivious, to know that if I crashed and burned, there was going to be someone there to dust me off and point me back into the fray. Being someone special to more than one person was something I learned here, and it was a beautiful lesson. I continue to celebrate this relationship and what it's brought to my life daily. C, I love you.

Fourth, my daughter, who, although young in years has already shown me that PG and I are more than the sum of our parts, and who holds up a mirror for me to see more clearly. Little C, I love you.

Fifth, but certainly not in my affections, is S. Having known someone for such a long time before moving into a relationship with them was new to me. Being able to expand my understanding of him as a person, as a partner and lover, has been revelatory! Seeing his boldness in embracing the changes in the past 15 months has encouraged me to be more brave and risk more than I ever would have previously. Feeling such intensity of passion colors my world with joy. S, I love you.

There are so many others that have contributed, and will continue to enhance my experience of life than I can mention here! There are those that have shown me the ropes in BDSM, those that helped me understand that love isn't about gender, but about the inner self, those who have just gotten me to loosen up and not be so serious and responsible all the time! There's my household that is teaching me new things, and my metamours, who embrace those I love in ways that I cannot. I love you all in different ways.

At the heart of it is me, this person experiencing an amazing life, astonishing loves, and a world that is beautiful and charmed with possibilities, depth, nuance and potentials. It's a big thing to be at a place where I can say: I love me, too.

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