Wednesday, December 3, 2008

How do you feel unique?

PF ponders:

There are so many things about living poly that I enjoy greatly. The additional support, time resources, loving, more types of activities to enjoy with different people, more ways for my partners to get support and learn new skills emotionally and practically.

The quest for me at times is to find a sense of being unique, of being the person that occupies a certain space in another's life and heart. On some levels, it hearkens back to the desire to feel important and special that we carry with us from childhood. What makes us different from someone else? What makes us desirable? What do you share with someone that is just "us" in nature?

In particular, I struggle with sharing things with metamours that were difficult to achieve with my partner. There can be a sense of ownership over something that took a good deal of work to open someone up to exploring or experiencing. My goal is to let go of having a sense of ownership over my partners, but does that mean I need to share everything with everyone, or vice versa? Is is counter to poly to have things that are unique to a given connection? Things that you don't share with others?

I'll be continuing to work towards understanding what is controlling versus feeling special, and how I can get that need met without restricting my partners actions or emotions. Emotionally, I know it's an apples and oranges equation, with who I am being unique to my partners in pretty different ways. The practical applications are what I want to gain more clarity on!
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