Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Construction Projects

When people talk about poly relationships, one of the more common approaches seems to be the one where the goal is for everyone to get "their own" relationship with a potential partner. For me, while each partner and relationship is unique, they become a part of the overall construction of my life, and I theirs, not a stand-alone structure.

This is actually one of the things that I appreciate about poly relationships: context. Sure, everyone has a life, and circumstances that make up who, and where, they are in their journey, even within monogamous relationships. Within the poly realm, there is often a very rich environment that I get to become a part of, rather than creating everything from the ground up.

Try visualizing it this way: If each person has a structure that represents their life, when someone decides to become a partner to another, their structures get closer together, maybe even merge. A new partner means my house might get a new wing, or an upper floor, a cool, expansive basement, or maybe we opt to build something new from the ground up. My metamours can be reached by walking through our shared partner's space, and visiting. Each person that decides to join the larger relationship brings who they already are to the party, and what started out as a simple cottage may become a sprawling mansion over time.

There are certainly poly people out there that would prefer to stay in the guest cottage, or just want to park their RV in the driveway for a bit, then leave, but for me the real win is when I have the opportunity to build something bigger than what I can manage on my own, and get to join my structure with someone else I love, and they want to do the same. It doesn't mean we don't get our own relationship, it means I become part of something more than just "us". Maybe, if I'm particularly fortunate, I get to expand my family.

Harlot Nouveau!

A month or so back there was a big flap over a police officer in Canada who stated that a woman who was raped was at least partly at fault, due to her clothing choices. This spurred a huge outpouring of outrage with the "If you dress like that, you're asking for bad things to happen to you." concept. The Slut Walk was born!

Women and men all over organized in their skimpiest of outfits and walked the streets in support of the right to wear whatever (or not!) they chose without fearing victimization by predatory elements, and that law enforcement should do just that, enforce the laws protecting citizenry, without regard to attire.

I live in an area of the country that is quite progressive. Public nudity in Portland is perfectly legal, as long as there is no lewd behavior involved. I like that, even if I don't hop on my bike and join the World Naked Bike Ride. ;)

S and I frequent a public hot tub and wellness cooperative that is clothing optional. When we first began dating, the idea of being nude in public was actually pretty daunting for him. At this point, there's a sense of disappointment involved with needing clothes. One of the key features that we're both interested in with looking at getting a hot tub at the house is to have the clothing optional option without having to truck over to Portland, and sharing that with our friends and partners.

At work, my look is quite sporty. Easy-moving fabrics, short sleeves, capri length pants. It's important to be able to stretch and move without challenge. Function above form. When I'm at business events, it's more formal and dressy. Sometimes heels and hosiery are employed. Often skirts and dresses are part of the scene. Then there is what gets worn when I'm going out on for dates and social events. Once described as "Harlot Nouveau", it usually features quite an expanse of leg, some cleavage, and colors and fabrics that aren't part of everyday wear.

When I am dressed up, I feel powerful, sexy, alluring, flirty, dangerous. Look at me or not, like it or not, it's what I'm up to at that moment in time. Some of my partners enjoy it, some are neutral. Any way you slice it, it's part of what's enjoyable for me in dating: dressing the part.

Recently, my kinky male roommate, who likes to do some cross dressing, asked me to go shopping with him. We have no relationship with each other, so I've got to assume there is some level of, "I like your look, and want to shop with you!" going on. That, or I'm really a fashion disaster that he's attempting to redirect. ;)