Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
When I see someone I love moving in a direction that looks to be less positive, it feels yucky. It feels scary. It feels uncomfortable and unhappy. And it has almost nothing to do with me directly. These choices are about someone else's journey in life, not my own. Stepping back and watching someone I care for get their heart ripped out and handed to them on a platter, still pulsing and steaming, is one of the hardest things for me to do. I don't like the person that does it to them, and I don't like my partner choosing that path. I fight it every step of the way, and that resistance isn't working all that well.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Theoretically, this may spare someones feelings. If you never actually say it out loud, it isn't as real, and, after all, next month, you may very well feel differently and have a shift in your priorities, so no one feels less valued. This isn't about how much you value a relationship though, it's about where you are feeling compelled to put your resources in what proportions.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Dating under any circumstances can be risky. Trusting anybody new is hard and usually takes more than a couple of dates. It only gets more concerning when you throw-in extra curricular activities like group and public play, or attending a BDSM function), or a snuggle, then the risks - real or simply imaged - escalate exponentially.
Imagine. It's 4am - two hours later than when you expected her to be home - and you don't know where your partner is. Your options are limited. You don't even have a phone number to call. You're really concerned; you can't reach her on her cell. What do you do now?
Or, imagine it's 4am - two hours later than when you expected her to be home - and she must be out partying it up. Having a great time and having some really good sex. Way good sex. Like, mind-blowing monkey sex that she doesn't have with you. You've now eaten all of your good nails. Even the bad ones. Your anxiety is high and, quickly, your confidence begins to erode and you're beginning to chew on your jealousy as if it were a cherry jolly rancher.
There's gotta be a better way.
Here's a couple of practical ideas that PF and I use to stay safe and stay sane.
1. Set Expectations.
2. Set Defined Times.
3. Set Up a Means for Communicating Exceptions.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
intr.v. co·op·er·at·ed, co·op·er·at·ing, co·op·er·ates
1. To work or act together toward a common end or purpose.
2. To acquiesce willingly; be compliant: asked the child to cooperate and go to bed.
3. To form an association for common, usually economic, benefit: When buyers cooperate, they can make large wholesale purchases at a discount.
Thursday, October 1, 2009