Saturday, December 20, 2008

Exhibitionist

PF-

So last night S and I went out to a Darklady event to have dinner and watch porn together. There was some play space available as well, so I was pretty well primed to get out and enjoy things, especially after a week of excessive parenting! The weather was still snowy, and this was the first event of it's kind, so the turnout was a bit disappointing, with 20ish people in attendance, but I was glad to be there and add that extra something special that S and I bring to events.

You see, I am an exhibitionist. Yes, I know that those of you who have met me in person may be shocked to hear that... I revel in exposing my unholy rabid lusts to others. I like being watched. It really turns me on to know that people are watching me, getting aroused, noticing as I gush my way through orgasm after orgasm. Getting loud in a public venue does it for me. There's that little wisp of shame that I'm being so slutty as to allow others to look at me when I'm doing something very intimate, which just makes it that much hotter.

So we played, we romped, we enjoyed some of the erotic potential that is part of our connection, and people thanked us for it. Thanked me for sharing all that pleasure and energy with others in the room. Thanked me for making it feel okay to explore in public for the first time.

I realized that it's one of the main ways I contribute to the local sex positive community. Being very sex positive in front of others. Leading by example. Almost always being the first one naked, or writhing in orgasm. Once the barrier has been breached, others join with their own dynamic.

Interestingly, I find myself still in a space where casual play with others is something I push away. I guess I just don't have the bandwidth to juggle any more unique personal energy at this point. It's good to know one's limits, right?

So for now, I shall continue to exercise my sense of the spiritual in my own way. With gasping breath, spasming muscles, explosions of moisture, and a deep appreciation of sharing that with someone that I love. While I am polyamorous, I am also, unequivocally, an exhibitionist.
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