Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Tell Me About Your Sex
I just want to know.
I mean, I like to be told when a partner has sex with someone else: in a scene, with someone they recently met, or with another partner. I'd just like to be told about it. Kind of up-front and forthcoming.
I like to be told about it because it helps to remove a sensation of anxiety that I have about the unknown. The unknown is scarier! My imagination can twist a situation into something much larger than it was. In listening to vague or ambiguous descriptions of events from a partner, it may sound as if something actually happened - but I'm not exactly sure exactly what happened - so a direct (frank) description of the events really helps to quell the fear. Kind of like:
"Hey, so, at the party, I met up with Artie and we had a 45 minute scene. I was totally naked, there were nipple clamps and a couple of canes. I came five or seventy-two times. No kissing, no fondling, no oral, no penetration. There were snuggles. I left around midnight. I feel good about it and I had a great time!"
See the example? It pretty much describes the situation and puts my fears to bed. It's a summary and hits the important points: who, what, where, when, and how did they feel about it.
I'm not interested in details*. I don't want to pry. Certainly my partner(s) should be afforded a sense of privacy that they needn't report the specifics to me all the time. But being told about their sexual encounters (or even coffee dates!) helps keep anxiety at bay and indirectly describes who is becoming more important in their lives.
* Okay, this is a lie. I am so interested in details. Details concerning my partner having sex with somebody else is very, very hawt. I'd like to know pretty much the whole picture: was there kissing? Fondling? Spanking? Oral? Penetration of any kind? Twosomes? Threesomes? Moresomes? Screaming monkey sex from the ceiling, toys ... Sure. Tell me all about it. I love to hear about it and that is, in fact, very pervy, but it doesn't have to be pervy. It doesn't have to go overboard (unless, um, you're aiming for that...). It can be communicated plainly without it sounding like pillow talk.