Thursday, June 4, 2009

Responsibility


There are nay-sayers out there that think of polyamory as happy, fucking, people holding hands. Idyllic wastrels that float through life making everything up as we go along. I guess some of that may be true. As we don't tend to conform to the mores of conventional thinking, there is a certain amount of "making things up as we go along" that happens, partly because there isn't a lot in the way of guidance out there for this particular path in life, and so we must chart our own course.

One of the ideas that pops up pretty regularly on any polyamory discussion board that includes outside elements (like monogamous/mainstream people) is that because we aren't exclusive with our partners sexually, we aren't responsible to them. What those two concepts have to do with each other, I will never understand!

There are times when I wish I was a bit less responsible, yet, that quality is one of the characteristics of my personality that I feel the most pride in. If you're someone who is part of my inner circle, I'll be there when the chips are down, I'll pull my oar, I will carry my weight, and then some, to make things go. The idea that poly is synonymous with flighty, flaky, untrustworthy or irresponsible is purely unacceptable to me, and I may even over-compensate to make sure that isn't true within my own life.

I'm curious as to what types of things other poly people have agreed on to be responsible to each other in? Please comment if you'd like to share some of the agreements you and your partners have negotiated with each other. Tell me about the ways that you are choosing to be responsible in your relationships.

In our household, we are responsible with each other for financial matters on agreed costs, child-rearing, the nuts and bolts of running a home, to share things that may impact others that we live with, and to bring concerns up before they become problems. I wouldn't trade that in for all the free love in the world. Responsibility has it's privileges.
Post a Comment