tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post3816010260900208711..comments2024-03-28T02:02:33.131-07:00Comments on Journals of a Polyamorous Triad: ResponsibilityUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-83007559394635738632009-06-05T18:18:20.454-07:002009-06-05T18:18:20.454-07:00Trying to "make" anyone happy is an exer...Trying to "make" anyone happy is an exercise in futility. Either thay are happy within themselves, or they are not. <br /><br />However, the idea that I can do whatever I want and have no responsibility to my partners, don't acknowledge that my actions, my emotions, can impact those around me, sounds like the ultimate in passing the buck. "Oh, it bothered you when I snubbed you in front of a group of our friends? Too bad. I guess you better deal with that." <br /><br />Not only is that type of behavior immature and self-centered, it looks to deny the responsibility each of us has to weigh the consequences of our actions on others, including on their emotions.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-67653127848667395532009-06-05T12:03:30.263-07:002009-06-05T12:03:30.263-07:00Well right now I don't have a life partner typ...Well right now I don't have a life partner type relationship. That does mean that thing like finances and domestic arrangements and dog care are all in my court.<br /><br />What I do consider myself responsible to my partner for is largely centered on our relationship, making exclusive time for each other every week, not letting our relationship eat in to other commitments for either of us (and we both have full plates so that can be tricky), and being good for each other. Sure there are going to be tense times but on the whole I want to be sure that our relationship is a good thing for both of us in terms of overall happyness and emotional stability. And of course all of these things are linked. <br /><br />I guess to sum up, it is not my job to make my partner happy or to make his life work, but I do think that I am responsible for making sure that our relationship does not cause excessive unhappiness and that it doesn't break things that work in his life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-30875866843657292432009-06-05T07:26:02.923-07:002009-06-05T07:26:02.923-07:00I totally agree with you. To say that Poly people ...I totally agree with you. To say that Poly people aren't responsible to their partners is nonsense.<br /><br />Our household is much like yours; shared parenting of four kids with varied lineage, consolidated finances and, therefore, decision making on spending. Looking out for each other and supporting each other. <br /><br />We've committed to communicate as well as we possibly can. We've committed to owning our own issues and working through them with appropriate help as necessary.<br /><br />I don't have experience outside of our communal living arrangements, however. So what does it look like for you in relationships outside of your household?<br /><br />I'll bet that you also carry your weight in other relationships that aren't of a sexual nature. <br /><br />I've got my parents, my work, my band, my Scout group. I take those commitments seriously and pull my weight in all those relationships.<br /><br /><br />I observe some of my mono friends who walk all over each other. They do what they want and really aren't consciously thinking about their responsibility to the people close to them. If you are going to have successful relationships, whether mono or poly, sexual or non-sexual, you have to be consciously aware of, and acting on, your responsibilities to your partners.<br /><br /><br />As you said, "what those two concepts have to do with each other, I will never understand". There just isn't any correlation between them is there?BlairMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13920064820708492676noreply@blogger.com