Thursday, March 19, 2009

When you move at different paces

PF-

Yet another older piece resurrected for your reading enjoyment! ;)

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One of the more challenging points of poly for us has been where one partner moves at a different speed than another. This can lend itself to one person feeling like they are holding another back, someone feeling like they are rushing a growth process on another, or just flat out being dragged backwards or forwards at a pace that is uncomfortable. With so many differences in the ways that we all process change, how does one pace the speed of growth in a way that is sustainable on a personal level, but more importantly, at a level that can work for existing relationships?

I am grateful for the influences of PG, who is a more cautious person than I in some ways. Generally, he's a deep thinker, who considers all the various aspects of a choice, processes how he might feel about it, what the ramifications may be, thinks it over again, then makes a decision. He provides me with a touchstone, an anchor, a more considered approach to many changes on a personal and business level. On the flip-side, he's also been known to be disturbed by a particularly bold haircut! ;)

Then there is my approach: Make a choice, run with it, process as you go, make tweaks as needed. Gee, you think that we might do this differently? S is getting his poly legs under him, but tends to be a bit closer to my style. It's a REALLY good thing we have PG to keep us grounded! The best thing is that I can totally rely on either of them to be supportive, tell me when they feel that I'm going off on a tangent, or to call me on my own crap. Particularly of help is the part where they point out how my own emotional stuff/past experiences might be coloring something that is going on currently. Talk about great resources!

As for the pacing part, it's something that I think will continue to be a force in the way that we form new connections, deal with issues, and create our direction in life together. All I know for sure is that the holding together is more important than superfluous change in the grand scheme of things, so I will strive to recognize the points where it would be better to circle wagons than make another six miles to the next camp!
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