Wednesday, March 25, 2009

s1m0n's User Manual - Section 1


IMPORTANT—READ CAREFULLY:
This End-User License Agreement ("Agreement" or "EULA") is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or a single entity) and s1m0n ("a Human Being") for the release of software known as "My Personality", and any updates, bug fixes, enhancements, additions, documentation, and any other related materials provided by s1m0n.


The terms and conditions of this EULA are separate and apart from those contained in any other agreement between s1m0n and you. BY INSTALLING, COPYING OR OTHERWISE USING S1M0N, YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS EULA. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THIS EULA, DO NOT INSTALL, COPY OR USE S1M0N.


Disclaimer: TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, WE PROVIDE S1M0N "AS IS" AND WITH ALL FAULTS, AND HEREBY DISCLAIMS ALL REPRESENTATIONS, WARRANTIES AND CONDITIONS, WHETHER EXPRESS, IMPLIED OR STATUTORY, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY (IF ANY) IMPLIED REPRESENTATIONS, WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF MERCHANTABILITY, SATISFACTORY QUALITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, LACK OF VIRUSES, ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF RESPONSES, RESULTS, AND LACK OF NEGLIGENCE OR LACK OF WORKMANLIKE EFFORT. THERE IS NO REPRESENTATION, WARRANTY OR CONDITION OF TITLE, QUIET ENJOYMENT, QUIET POSSESSION, CORRESPONDENCE TO DESCRIPTION, OR NON-INFRINGEMENT WITH REGARD TO S1M0N.


Current Build: 3.2.0


Overview of Fixes in this Release:


- More tolerant towards children

- 3.2.x builds off the Poly Engine installed in version 3

- Installed buffering subroutine to suppress hostile emotional outbreaks towards loved ones

- Zen Engine: s1m0n now enjoys contemplating existence without relating it to work

- Mods introduced to Work Ethic subroutine to accommodate for more evening time with family

- Raised the output:coffee ratio by 25% to make up for lost productivity

- s1m0n now has a healthy appreciation for "Serenity"; he dislikes "Battlestar" now

- s1m0n values breathing more


Known Bugs with This Release:


- s1m0n still suffers from occasional insomnia; working on a patch for version 3.5

- s1m0n 3.x has the potential to be "too gropy" at times; working on a patch for "boundaries"

- s1m0n doesn't recognize wife 1.0 or 2.0, and tends to be grumpy towards marriage in general

- s1m0n tries to be a better father but will fail; see Work Ethic subroutine

- s1m0n may under-estimate one area of workload and over-compensate in another


Interface Issues:


- s1m0n requires clear, constant communication that reinforces his support

- s1m0n generates a lot of cross-talk

- s1m0n is selfish, assertive, and extroverted, and will transmit XOR-breaks on handshakes

- Drama crosstalk and latency still disrupts s1m0n's comprehension of transferred datum

- s1m0n is compatible with all standards of Poly; prefers this interface over Mono


Compatability Issues:


- s1m0n is compiled for the hetero platform but can be recompiled for as a homo instance

- s1m0n complies with Internet Safe Sex Standards (ISSS) involving penile penetration

- s1m0n doesn't recognize ISSS oral standards with familar partners and other interfaces

- s1m0n prefers a very organized memory space; disorganized memory spaces freak him out

- s1m0n prefers assertive and creative programs by which to spend some quality time

- s1m0n dislikes winy, lazy, and otherwise dull programs that just consume spare cycles


What Drives s1m0n to General Protection Faults (GPF's):


- Unkept memory allocations, hard disks, particularly in waste disposal subroutines

- Unnecessary drama protocols

- Falsehood worms

- Spyware

- In the 3.x release, s1m0n will communicate with more programs on the Poly protocol, but he still retains a distain for Hippies version 25-32; this seems ingrained in the kernel; we're trying to work this one out


Tips for Using s1m0n:


- Provide for a clean installation; uninstall all previous versions prior to install

- Always be honest and truthful to s1m0n; never lie to s1m0n; "TMI" does not exist to s1m0n

- Use s1m0n... hard... frequently. Occasionally, restart s1m0n.

- Try out s1m0n's adeptness towards new situations and fuzzy logic modules; very adaptable!


s1m0n

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