Thursday, March 19, 2009

Shielding

PF-

I'm pulling some older writing entries to share. Re-reading has helped me see where perspectives have shifted, as well as what fundamentals stay the same over time for me.

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One of the arguments I've heard repeatedly about why poly is unhealthy is the idea that by having more than one relationship, you are unable to commit fully, or have a mature emotional bond with another, that polyamory is a way to shield yourself from true, deep intimacy.
Categorically, I find that to be untrue, in fact, I've found a whole new level of intimacy within my marriage, with myself, and a conscious everyday impetus to focus on each of the important emotional bonds in my life. Still, I do think that for some, poly can be a way to have emotion without responsibility, intimacy without accountability.

Is it just a matter of deciding that you are not holding back from others? For me, the more richness I have in my emotional life, the more I have available to give back to all. The support I get from my extended, as well as my little nuclear, family feeds a need that I have for touch, for intimacy, to give, and more opportunities for growth, as enjoying additional connections that expose me to new ideas and feelings that I may not have encountered previously.

When others label multi-dating as polyamory I feel uncomfortable, since it's more about the "amour" part than the "poly" piece for me. With love has always come a sense of responsibility, a desire to nurture another, and a drive to help them in their journey in life. Does poly-lite carry any of those connotations, or is it an escape from the uncomfortable parts of a "real" relationship? When you are busy hiding from others, there is no way to be truly open within your own heart. When I am fully blissfully unshielded, totally open to my loves, I have the deepest sense of self, of spirit, I've ever experienced.
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