Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Strive to Share

One of the most amazing tenants of polyamory is the freedom to fall in love with other people. Caught up in the thralls of NRE (New Relationship Energy), though, it may be too convenient to forget the love, compassion, and tolerance of our primary lovers who give us that freedom, and who lift us up when the chips are down.

When in poly, and when celebrating your new-found connections, always give equal - if not more! - time to your primary. Celebrate them, too. Do not take them for granted. Go on dates with them, buy her flowers, remind her how she stands out in a room, where their absence hurts, and why they're so important in your life. It is hard for anyone to see a lover happily chatting, texting, or being with another; it is even harder when their attention is totally lost or unavailable. It is, in fact, because of them and their ability to rationalize their jealousy and love you that you are where you are today.

And for those who would argue that there is nothing new to say, that, there is something complacent and mediocre about relishing your life partner, it is precisely that thought which limits the boundless capacity of joy. If you're to put on artificial blinders and pre-define the world, then all you will ever see in a person is the portrait you've already painted; if that is all you do in all relationships - even platonic ones - then you will never discover the new and interesting ways they evolve. People are not static. You are not static. Love is the exploration, growth, connection, and evolution of self with others - it's often tritely described as a journey, not a destination, and we must remind ourselves to appreciate the travel. Reach out, try harder, do more, to learn more about your partner, and more about yourself.

There is an unlimited amount of happiness in your life. Strive to always share it with the people who helped to create it for you.


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