Friday, August 14, 2009

Sex and polyamory

The poly discussion group that we host was earlier this week. The topic of discussion was sex and polyamory. There was a lot of interest, big group here, and then we started talking. Guess what? While there is usually a bit of effort on my part to keep the discussion focused on the topic at hand, this month, it was much more challenging! Few people in the room seemed to be comfortable talking about sex directly. Those that were really were, but there was a distinct reluctance to stay on topic, when the topic was sex.

This was fascinating to me. Maybe I was just having an off night facilitating? Perhaps to some degree, but not to the extent that this seemed to be happening. What I was starting to feel about half way through the discussion was that poly people seem to be MUCH more comfortable talking about their relationship dramas, "...and then my metamour pulled my still-beating heart from my chest, turned it into pulp with their bare hands, and laughed maniacally as they ran off into the sunset with MY partner!", and their feelings, "This sense of gratitude that I was experiencing as my partners took turns nursing me through (insert horrible illness here) was amazing!", than their sex lives.

Well sure, that's personal stuff, right? Or is it maybe that, as a group, we're still stuck in a lot of the puritanical tripe that we were brought up with? Maybe, if we talk about enjoying casual sex, group sex, lots of sex, bi/gay/straight sex, kinky sex, we may be lumped in with swingers, and we are NOT swingers! We aren't sluts either. We're better than that. We're into this for the emotions and connections. But what's wrong with sex (however you define THAT term!) being a part of the equation?

Put my money where my mouth is. Here we go! I like sex. A lot. I like many kinds of sex. I like it with women, with men, sometimes more than one of each simultaneously. Toys are fun. I masturbate pretty regularly in addition to all the sex I do have. Sex doesn't detract from my emotional bonds with others, it facilitates it. The more I have, the more I want. It's the ultimate positive feedback system!

Between having a minister for a parent, and having been sexually assaulted as a child, I have needed to work very hard to reclaim my sexual birthright. I refuse to feel shame as I scream my pleasure to the heavens. Repeatedly. I would encourage those within the poly community to also embrace sex-positive thinking. Society pushes many agendas on us that we seek to overcome. Allowing the devaluing of sex, the hiding and secrecy about it, to pervade this community does us no favors.

Embrace sex.


Designergrl said...

SExxxxxx is the answer!!!!(big smile)Did you know about the September Ladies night coming up...women stripping and lap dancing for other women/pole dancing at the Wet Spot ?OMG talk about any incredible turn on.I want to have the opportunity to get a woman Really Really wet, have her Not be able to help herself from masturbating in front of me..even if nornally that was something she could not do before.I have danced at the Bang for the Buck once and had an absolute blast.One woman told me I really heated up the audience.(grin) Well that Is one thing I excel at...I am damn good dancer.I want to go but not unless am sure I have an available captive lap !

Hey...want to be my lap for me G ? Seriosuly...think about it ?I can Promise you will not be disapointed.

Ok now, going back to being shy again.


Anonymous said...

I'd love to provide a lap! When and where, and is this a public or private opportunity? ;)

Can you believe I still haven't been to the Wet Spot? Too busy creating them, I guess...

designergrl said... Center for Sex Positive Culture..see's September 4th.It's Ladies Night and for members only.I just let my membership run out so I need to renew it.Then I am allowed to bring a guest.(Just in case you don't know) The price of admission is $15 if you arrive between 9 pm-10pm.

Funny thing..I may be able to strip in front of women(dancing)...but weirdly enough I feel really shy when it comes to going to "clubs" alone.Go figure.;)

I do have one friend who may go(just to watch)...a 67 year "young" dyke who is getting back into the dating game again...after leaving 22 yr.partnership last January.Kinda weird when i talk to her about the Spot and kink and poly as she is my mom's

Anyway, there's a possibility she may chicken be too much of shock to her system!Then she might just, uhem, dive in !

Hmm, public or private opportunity ?Well let's just say that for "safety's sake"..for the moment,I'll make it public....'cause as a result of my dancing talents, "people" have been known to grab me, slam me down on the floor, hog tie and have their merry way with me.And.. and..I wouldn't want That to happen ! ;)

If you are Really interested we can chat privately via fetlife(or there I can give you my regular email address).:)

EmilyTbM said...

I think I did a pretty good job bringing the conversation back to sex :P I was worried I was over sharing and talking too much though.

I also really love sex, so much so that people get the wrong idea that it is all I want or need. Boo urns.

ourquad said...

Sex is a good. Raised Southern Baptist, I know how repressive that is to one's sexuality. I fully believe that God wants us to enjoy sex.

I like sex, too. And the more I get the more I want. I consider my self both poly and a swinger (though we aren't swinging currently)and I also do not understand the aversion to admitting sex is a part of their poly relationships. My men do not make love the same way and I happen to like the variety.

Like I said, sex is good. sanda