Sunday, August 9, 2009

Sorting through chaos

Things have been tough lately. One of my processes that I'm moving forward with is sorting through the crap that I own and selling/tossing as much as I can. Feels a lot like it did one year ago during my Summer of Chaos right before merging our two families together into this house. I did a lot of sorting/selling/tossing then too. Interesting that there's so much I missed the first time around.

Anyways... I got rid of about 75% of my button collection. Most of them from the 80's when I would geekily wear one or more on my jacket in high school. But I had to keep at least the three pictured; they resonate with me right now.


livingtotears said...

i *love* those buttons.
my beloved stepfather (and RC airplane builder and flight fanatic) died three years ago. he had written a letter to my mom, in case he died. your sorting reminds me of the most touching part of his letter:

"My dear wife and friend,
If you are reading this, it means I am “gone”. Anyway, I want you to know that these have been the happiest years of my life.

I also want you to know that you know all my hiding spots so go and get all the rainy day money from the garage, the car and my files. There isn’t any more, darling. It was, by and large, between my left ear and right ear that my true money-making existed and I believe I have kept you comfortable.
OK, so I didn’t. But I did do my best. You get it all. Do with it as you will.

As for me, I want to be cremated. There is a company that will buy everything RC, so contact them and take their price. Sell the computer and printer. Sell the Blazer. All my clothes go to Salvation Army, get rid of all my books and the crap in the attic.

It doesn’t matter anymore. It never did. I thought it made me matter, but I was wrong. You and your daughters’ love are what has mattered the most to me for this “best years of my life”."
i always cry re-reading that. especially the last part. such a poignant and bittersweet reminder to me that the things that can seem like they make me matter, don't.

hug each other closely...?
wishing each of you healing and peace.

Anonymous said...

Lots of hugging and compassion, even with the tough spots. I really love and appreciate my partners. We all have compassion for what is going on in each segment of the chain.