Wednesday, July 1, 2009


I think many folks who're new to poly are concerned with how to handle PDA (Public Displays of Affection) in public, particularly if they're hanging with their multiple partners at the same time. I recall I was more than a little concerned the first time I was out in public with PF and PG. PF was physically amorous with us both at the restaurant and then at the movie theater. I could "feel" the eyes, "hear" the whispers, like, "OMG - Who's that chic with?", or even witnessed the disdainful glances as parents covered the eyes of their children and whisked them away to watch more comfortable things, like, huge iron wrecking balls dangling from a giant robot's groin...

... but I digress...

Actually, in all honesty, it did take me a while to eventually let up on because, as you've probably figured out, everything I just mentioned was really going on in my head and not in reality. I'm projecting what others might be thinking whereas - in reality - they're not even paying attention.

These days, it rarely phases me. We could be at a restaurant or, even like today, in the hot tub at the resort we're at, and PF is openly flirty and physical with us both around young and old sitting with us in the tub. PF says they'll never say anything; most people don't have the fiber to really ask what the relationship is. Most will ignore it, or, pretend its not happening. And if someone did actually have the kahuna's to ask, then she'd be more than happy to tell them a little bit... and see if they ask for more.

However, there are some times where your own self-consciousness gets to you. For instance, PF and I have a favorite haunt in Longbeach near where we're vacationing at. It's a bed and breakfast, and when we stay there or stop by for a meal, the proprietor is always happy to see us, and remembers us well (because we're always very googly-eyed at our favorite romantic spot). The other night when we finished our dinner, the proprietor came up and wished us a good night, and hoped he'd see us soon again. Meanwhile, PF was kind of thinking of taking PG there for a dinner a little later in the week - she later concluded, nah, that wouldn't be such a great idea. It'd be too obvious and difficult to explain.

Sometimes you gotta make the best call that will preserve the perceptions of others.

I guess the point of the matter is that it took a little while to overcome the social programming within my own skull. It's only natural: we all want to "fit in" - polyamory can, at times, make us stand out like a sore thumb. Sometimes you have to bend to conformity every once in a while to maintain external balances. Eventually, though, you get used to it, forget all about it, maybe even come to appreciate it or enjoy "shocking" the pants off of people; hee hee - I have to admit, I get a certain chill of joyous mischief when our girl kisses us both, or, I get kissed by a metamour. That's just funner than a pocket full of crickets... and even more so when you're able to conquer your own inner-conservative-dialog.

Cheers from Longbeach, Washington...


... oh, and for God's sake, don't see Transformer's 2. There's this one scene... no, wait, there are multiple scenes of offensive, racist, ridiculous, ugh - barf! - crud that isn't worth the price of a Kiggin's Matinee, so really, don't see it! Spare your eyeballs!


polyfulcrum said...

Well, we went anyways to the particular restaurant mentioned, and it was all fine. Really, people might be curious, but they seldom give a stranger a hard time, particularly when you're the paying customer! ;)

liminalD said...

Great post!!

And yes, Transformers 2 was, in the words of my favourite review, "an epic sh*tstorm so bad you'll wish you were watching Wolverine."


Anonymous said...

Thank you sharing your story. I am glad we are not alone. I am in a triad with two lovely ladies. When we are together PDA have often felt difficult. Anyway we now have our first child and another on the way.

I do hope all goes well for you!