Monday, July 6, 2009

Aftermath


Yeah, not the best choice of titles perhaps, but that's kind of where I'm at currently following the vacation trip last week. You'd think that after two years, we'd have run across the landmines/boundaries to be had. Apparently, there's still room for growth!


There were a great many good parts about this trip, but perhaps a bit too much togetherness for too extended a period of time. Some of it was kid related, although I think that was about average, from what I'm remembering from family vacations as a kid. Part of it was being too close physically to emotionally compartmentalize things as much as we usually do.


With one condo and one car, there wasn't a whole lot of room to stretch out or get away from each other. Instead of having a V where the two ends of the letter are further apart, it got pretty compressed. There was a flavor of exposing each relationship to the other on a more intensive level, which wasn't comfortable to everyone.


After some discussion and decompression, things are back on track, but we'll need to do more advanced planning if we opt for a fully integrated trip again. Certainly, our next try at vacations will be for a shorter duration, with more structure in place to support the needs of all.


Back to the drawing board!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

There was a flavor of exposing each relationship to the other on a more intensive level, which wasn't comfortable to everyone.
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One of the Values to me of your blog is that you do Not represent Utopia in polyland(grin)...but you all Do seem to do Well at what you are doing...so my question would be : (in referrence to your statement above)Why would it be Uncomfortable ?

polyfulcrum said...

Let me see if I can explain this without sharing information that feels confidential to others: When we're home, it is easier for each relationship to have it's own space and time. S and I work at home, and so a significant portion of our interactions are during the day, where PG and I tend to be more connection oriented at nights and on weekends.

Neither relationship had it's own time or space while we were on vacation, and that led to some feelings of non-exclusivity (that we're able to skirt within our usual routine) that needed to be seen and addressed.

It's one thing to know your partner is off on a date, it's another thing to watch them interact for days on end with their other partner(s).

Hope that helps to clarify a bit more!