Tuesday, March 31, 2009

There's a Naked Man in My Shower

Nearly every morning when I wake up, there is a naked man in my shower.
No. This isn't him. It is, though, a picture representing a man in the shower. What fun.

When I stroll in - often quite naked myself - there is a mutual manly grunt of morning recognition and we go about doing our regular routines: I shave my face, brush my teeth, apply a q-tip to my inner ears; he'll do the same and shave his head.

Now, many males may find this unnerving and - I have to admit - it took a little while to get used to. Walking into a restroom with a naked woman in the shower... there is precedent for this. You're used to the curves, the hot water, the bubbly goodness running down her... ahem, anyway. Slightly different on a guy. Yikes! No curves, lots of hair, and soap doesn't look like that on me, does it? Unless you're living at the Y, it's not too often that the modern male encounters another guy in the stall.

A couple of pointers for the poly male:

1. Say hello, or, grunt. Don't move too quickly by but don't linger around either. He's a great guy and your housemate, after all, and he deserves some morning recognition or in the least a casual noise to reflect your joy in seeing him alive today.

2. Focus. You have a lot to do. He does, too. You're both likely running late.

3. Urinal-Like-Conversation. Now, for males, this isn't difficult to understand. With a urinal, you step up to the plate, whip out your Willie, and relieve yourself while making casual, trite, 30-second conversation and keeping the eyes on the tiles in front of your nose. "Weather sucks", or, "How 'bout them Blazers?", or, for the geek, "What do you think happened to Jane on Serenity after he left the planet on which he was treated as a hero?" In this case, you're staring into the mirror and getting the morning work done but the principles are still the same.

4. No Big Ideas. Avoid the big discussions. The bathroom is really just a staging area. You can talk later when you're eating breakfast at the kitchen table.

With these simple ideas in mind, the modern poly male can circumnavigate the tricky and awkward silence that may accompany the morning trip to the restroom. Remember that - even though your connections may be limitless - you've all got just one bathroom to share, so mind your P's and Q's. Just one more friendly tip from the Tripod.


Dave said...

... or, as a poly bi- male... you just made me smile reeeeeallllly big.


lynelle said...

i'm really enjoying your blog ~ thanks to each of you for sharing these pieces of your life and ponderings!

about this part: "What do you think happened to Jane on Serenity after he left the planet on which he was treated as a hero?"

this smiled me. for the geeks i know this could be a three day discussion; not quite fitting the avoid-big-discussions criteria.

now, for me... i'm fine with big discussions even in the bathroom. i'll carry a good conversation from room to room, as needed, including the bathroom. however, the people i talk with aren't often enamored with this plan. go figure!

thanks again...

Anonymous said...

This is cute. Maybe it's just me, but I can't understand the awkwardness of sharing a bathroom when you are sharing a woman's, ummmm.... You know. };^)~

Thanks for the chuckle!