Thursday, March 5, 2009

Ahead of the game, or behind the 8 ball?


There is no perfect time to have a baby, buy a home, get married, change jobs, etc. Pretty much anything that's worth doing, you can find a reason not to do it _now_. When PG and I started on this journey to open our relationship, gradually shifting to polyamory over time, I thought that, in perhaps 10-15 years, I might be ready to add to our family on a live-in basis. The kiddo would be out of the house, the house would be paid off, I'd still be a relatively young woman in her early 40's. Then S and I started dating and that whole convenient schedule went out the window!

As much as I greatly enjoy the new dynamic that is developing for our family of five, there are some wistful thoughts at times for the simplicity of the previous family of three. There are greater rewards, but some of the challenges are greater as well. I wonder what it might have been like if I had just stuck with my original schedule, which was more practical, instead of plowing ahead into uncharted territory. "Here be Monsters!" ;)

It feels like the opportunities that we are all seeing to grow are ones that will continue to pay dividends throughout the rest of our lives. Timing will be what it is, and you can either ride the wave, or have it wash over you until you're ground into the ocean floor. Whenever you seize an option to grow, to learn, to teach, you propel yourself further than you would under merely your own power. You are moving in the direction that (for lack of a better term) the universe appreciates, and you get an assist to make that work.

Think about the times in your life where you saw an opportunity and let it pass you by. When you turned away from growth and into stagnation. Any time I've gone that path, I ended up farther behind than where I started; less happy, less satisfied, less able to see a clear path out.

Courage to dive into deeper water is a quality that suits polyamory well. It seems so much more dangerous or scary at first, but the underlying truth is that, as long as you know how to swim, or you brought your life-jacket, it doesn't matter how deep the water is.

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