Thursday, March 19, 2009



I'm pulling some older writing entries to share. Re-reading has helped me see where perspectives have shifted, as well as what fundamentals stay the same over time for me.


One of the arguments I've heard repeatedly about why poly is unhealthy is the idea that by having more than one relationship, you are unable to commit fully, or have a mature emotional bond with another, that polyamory is a way to shield yourself from true, deep intimacy.
Categorically, I find that to be untrue, in fact, I've found a whole new level of intimacy within my marriage, with myself, and a conscious everyday impetus to focus on each of the important emotional bonds in my life. Still, I do think that for some, poly can be a way to have emotion without responsibility, intimacy without accountability.

Is it just a matter of deciding that you are not holding back from others? For me, the more richness I have in my emotional life, the more I have available to give back to all. The support I get from my extended, as well as my little nuclear, family feeds a need that I have for touch, for intimacy, to give, and more opportunities for growth, as enjoying additional connections that expose me to new ideas and feelings that I may not have encountered previously.

When others label multi-dating as polyamory I feel uncomfortable, since it's more about the "amour" part than the "poly" piece for me. With love has always come a sense of responsibility, a desire to nurture another, and a drive to help them in their journey in life. Does poly-lite carry any of those connotations, or is it an escape from the uncomfortable parts of a "real" relationship? When you are busy hiding from others, there is no way to be truly open within your own heart. When I am fully blissfully unshielded, totally open to my loves, I have the deepest sense of self, of spirit, I've ever experienced.

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