Sunday, March 16, 2014

What are Your Values in Relationships?


I facilitated a polyamorous group discussion the other week and received positive feedback on it, so I wanted to take a few minutes to transform that discussion into a blog post.

First, I asked everyone for an open discussion on values as they pertain to relationships. Relationships in general - it doesn't have to be expressly polyamorous relationships. These are the attributes, characteristics, and things of importance to you when you're engaged in a relationship. Some of the attendees said:



  • Transparency
  • Honesty
  • Growth
  • Freedom
  • Affection
  • Trust


I then asked if everyone could make a list of the top three most important ones to them, for these are the qualities you're looking for in a relationship and what matters most to you, what's important to you.  Take an inventory. I also asked how Polyamory does/doesn't bolster these values.

Then I asked how these values are expressed in their poly relationships? "What do you do every day to express these values?", going off the old idea of treating your partner in the way you'd like to be treated.

Finally, I handed out some homework. I asked everyone to take these ideas and discuss them with their partners after group. Learn what their values are and share yours. 

If you've had a rough patch in your relationships - if expectations haven't been in alignment for you and you're having relationship trouble - talking about your common values may be a good starting point. 

Common, shared values work better than installing rules and restrictions to create expected behaviors and outcomes. Instead, find what you have in common and capitalize on your common belief systems. 

R


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