Pink Floyd’s _Learning to Fly_ is one of my most favorite songs.
When I listen to it, I hear a story: the story of a person trying to stretch their boundaries and do something they’ve been told they can’t do. It’s too late for this fellow, though. He can’t turn back. He’s leapt into the void to chase his passion and is hoping for the best.
Love’s like that.
Polyamory is a world of intense opinions, vocabulary, models, and literature. When I think of people in polyamorous relationships, I see thousands of people like this guy, jumping off cliffs with a guidebook in hand, attempting to learn the nuances, the lexicon, and models, while plummeting helplessly to the valley below. They’re trying to learn how to fly by reading the manual.
In poly discussion groups, sometimes, I’ll indirectly criticize our community in that we obsess over style; words; vocabulary; methods; processes. Indeed, instead of just “loving” and really relishing in the moment, we critique and psychoanalyze love to death. Freekin’ dead horse syndrome. Instead of focusing on the experience, taking in the beautiful moment around us while trying to instinctively stay on top of things, we’re absorbed in a book.
We’re missing the point.
Love is always risky. We risk much as we throw ourselves into the wind and hope that we stay aloft. But that moment, where the wind catches you and throws you into the sky, and you lose your breath, and you don’t know if you’re going to fall … these are the experiences that teach us; experiences that we’ll eventually put labels to and try to make sense of, but then – there in the moment – isn’t the time for manuals, nuance, or methods.
Right there, that’s the time to let go, hope and plan for the best, to stop over-analyzing, stop reading the manual, and simply learn to fly.
That’s why we do this, right? It’s the flight. It’s that experience we’re after, the sensations we wish to gift to our partners, the freedom we hope to convey so that we might experience it ourselves. Remember why you’re doing this. Don’t allow yourself to become paralyzed by an analysis of style instead of enjoying the moment, and learning – intuitively – from the experience.