Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I am Not a Hippie

I want to be perfectly clear: I'm not a hippie.

If you attend a polyamorous event you're likely to be confronted by a number of male stereotypes and one type above all others really annoys the heck out of me: hippies.

Well, I'm not one of them. I'm the anti-hippie. Somewhere, but not there, hanging with the hippies.

I'm like Cartman in that South Park episode. Hippies really yank my chain. I'm not sure what it is really and you'd think that I'd want to explore that emotion a little deeper and really come to understand why I loath them the way I do - NO! That would only lend the "mooovveement" some credibility! Instead, I'll simply react to my raw emotional revolution. Hippies: yuk!

The smells! The hemp! The tie-dyes! The hair! The... overwhelming sense... of irresponsibility... the total lack of ... ambition to succeed and accumulate wealth and invest... in 401K's.... No NO NO, you see, it even makes me constipated TALKING about hippies.

Listen, I'm sure they're nice people. Probably very pleasant once you got to know them and could tolerate their Bohemian sense of superiority because they don't eat meat, bathe, wear closed-toe shoes, or, drive a car or whatever. I'm just not that kind of person. I am materialistic, yes, and I do like washing my hair, and, I find taking on responsibility attractive and meaningful in its own right. I shave, I pluck nose hair, I trim my eyebrows, I iron my shirts - and I do these things not to make some level of social statement but, to say, instead:

I wish to encourage the presence of other people in my life by not offending them!
Ta-da! Is that so difficult?! I just can't BELIEVE it some times when these beautiful, gorgeous, hot chics go out of their way to nuzzle up to some scraggly dude with his beard knotted-up in braids (shudder)! Or an ear with, like, seven piercings... some of which look like they're red and irritated?! Ewww! And it's not like I've got anything against the guy, I'm just thinking, "What chin would I want to be nuzzling right now" and that just doesn't ring the bell, know what I'm sayin'!? What what Don't women truly appreciate the man who goes out of his way to get a good waxing?!?

(gasp gasp, sputter - cof - ahem)

Okay okay, so maybe I'm over-reacting. I guess I just don't understand the attraction and I certainly don't understand the lack of attention to personal details. I'm all for personal creativity and self-expression, really, but when is avoiding deodorant a form of free speech? I say: be free; be carefree; be happy; be hippie. But spare me the oozing ear infection.

s1m0n


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