Over the past couple of months there has been some significant changes in the poly landscape around here, mostly having to do with the way that PG's relationship with his other partner works. That has been a tough shift for me to make, and I've been in a space that was angry, scared, defensive, sad, and just generally unpleasant of late. For me, that type of emotional upheaval and distress is out of the ordinary. I'm usually pretty even, logical and willing to work on finding a place of comfort with things, so this has been really tough, both on me and on my partners, especially PG. Honestly, I can't think of a historical precedence for such a long period of feeling upset in the 14+ years of our relationship together.
Let's get to the good part! Over the past few days, it feels like I've turned a corner, found a bit of breathing room, been able to go towards a positive spin again. If I had to track it down, the turning point came on Sunday morning, as we were all knocking about the house after breakfast and decided to watch a little StarGate Atlantis. For some reason, the guys got it in their heads that the theme song in the opening credits sounds like cats, and even more interesting, decided that they wanted to sing along, ala feline mode. To top that off, they recorded themselves doing it, which I will share with the world now, assuming I can figure out how to attach the file!
So here I am, watching and listening as the men who love me day in and day out caterwaul in concert to a geeky show theme and realize that THIS IS MY LIFE! It's not the hard parts that take place in the periphery that I don't control anyways that count, it's the bits that happen right where I can see and feel it that matter. It's about going to a comedy show with PG and having a laugh because the comedian is talking about dry-heaving from too many masturbatory orgasms in a day and I'm likely one of the only WOMEN in the audience that knows that feeling. It's about S bringing by ingredients and a recipie from one of his manly magazines and cooking dinner together. It's about the kids trying to wheedle some money out of us for a fieldtrip and snuggling up on the couch together. It's about knowing that we are all doing our best with what we have to make a beautiful life of love and growth, and knowing that it will always have room for those who can join us on that level. It's about men singing in cat voice on a Sunday morning and that IS normal.
*Note: I'm still working on getting the vocal file uploaded.