Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Penalties for abundance

Ok. Polyfolk, I have a question. How many relationships/connections does a potential partner have to have before you decide that person is too busy or doesn't have enough time for you?

I ask this because I think that while a person may be poly, there is still a strong urge in most (if not all) of us to want to have a significant portion of a person's time if we're going to be romantically linked. And, I think that most people will make that snap judgement without consulting their person of interest.


"Oh, he's already seeing 2,643 women, he surely doesn't have time for me!"

What is that point for you? Or is the number of connections that someone has not even a factor for you?


Léo said...

Is this like the eternal question: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? I'd have to go with the turtle on that one.

EmilyTbM said...

Personally, I look at red flag questions first:

-Does the person live a good distance away?
-Do they drive if so?
-Are they working and/or in school?
-Are those working or school hours compatible with mine?
-How many serious partners do they already have?

From there I can usually gauge whether or not they can meet my needs as a partner.

Obviously in the beginning I'd only require casual dating and from there I refer to my red flag questions to see if I'd want to pursue it more seriously from there.

A major red flag for me would be if they can't make time to email/call/text or whatever with me once a week at least and can't commit to set a day to do things with a good enough notice, then they probably don't have time to meet my needs as a more than casual partner.

So far I've encountered all those poly people who are too busy for new partners but try anyway and it is bumming me out! I should go back and re-read Partner Selection!