Thursday, February 26, 2009



S and I went to a munch last weekend. A munch is a meeting of people who are kinky in a public setting for the purposes of socialization and networking within the kink community. It was a new experience for both of us, as our kink experience has been limited to classes and play parties, as far as public venues go.

I must say, not my bag of tea. I think I'll continue to concentrate on meeting people within the context of my existing social circles. While there isn't as much diversity, the people involved with/introduced by friends tend to be more closely aligned with who we are as a group, and a better fit as potential partners. We also joined FetLife, which is FaceBook for kinksters. I've had a few random responses, and interest from people that I've met out at various times. This gives another venue to make connections outside existing networks.

The thing with kink is that while I enjoy it and want it as part of my landscape, I have no desire to have it consume my life on much more than a "spice" level. When in proximity to the kink community, there are so many people that enjoy it as a full-time way of life that it can feel a bit dissonant. I suppose it's akin to the poly folk we meet that get freaked out by how fully poly we are. They have no drive to live with any additional partners, or even have deeply entwined relationships. This is fun, this is good, it's a desired part of their life, but not something they want to live day in and day out.

The great thing about both poly and kink is that these communities are devoted to the concept of creating your own experience. There is no "one right way" to do either. You choose your actions based on the desired experience of life. This can change at any time and move in a different direction.

At the dinner I went to last weekend for Pro Dommes, it was fascinating to note that many of the women there had spent time as bottoms, submissives or switches, as well as dominants. There was no lack of respect for that, or switching currently. There was the innate understanding that one's drive to understand oneself and contribute to the experiences of those around you changes with time and additional exposure; that each is a different side of the same coin, without which the experience cannot exist for those on the opposite side of the coin.

It is a strength within both the kink and polyamorous communities that we have room for so many different presentations of the ideas and relationships central to each. When we embrace the diversity in expression, we increase the flexibility and scope of what is possible as individuals and as a group. Viva la difference!

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