Friday, January 16, 2009

Poly chicken


Yes, I'm a big poly chicken! In the beginning stages of a relationship in particular, when S or PG is out with someone new, I am pretty wired at times. Not knowing how things will go, what the other person is like, if the existing structure of relationships will shift around with the new addition, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!

So, what's a loving, non-controlling, yet a bit anxious poly partner to do? Well, I choose the path of most support and least resistance and try to set myself up with a date with another love! Ha! Take that nervous energy! Or, worst case scenario, I clean. Yeah, if you get back from a date and I'm ironing, this is a _bad_ sign...

I also ask for things like checking-in if the date looks to be going in a direction that wasn't anticipated in advance (like if instead of snuggling, it looks like condoms will be used, or out overnight instead of in for the evening), knowing a bit about the other person and their situation, what the plans are for the date, snuggling before and/or afterwards, and trying to get some intimacy time in to reconnect within a day or so.

I'm guessing that some would see those as control strategies, and I suppose they are. Self-control strategies. I wish I could say that I am totally relaxed and blase about new people, but that wouldn't be truthful. What I can say is that with a little time, consistency and repetition, that anxiety level goes way down, and I can do a much better job shoving my partners out the door to romp elsewhere. Cluck-cluck eventually leads to fuck-fuck. ;)

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