Thursday, December 6, 2012

Getting What You Want

In Polyamory - and probably no less so in monogamy - you spend a lot of time thinking about what you want.

Getting what you want doesn't start by drawing lines in the sand.

It won't happen by dictating terms, declaring ultimatums, or applying guilt.

Getting what you want won't be found in disengaging, burning bridges, or running away.

You won't get what you want through sneaking, lying, treachery, backstabbing, or damaging trust.

Yelling at somebody won't get you what you want. Neither will mopey, catastrophic weeping or freaking out.

It certainly won't happen by hurting your partner with verbal or physical abuse.

And you'll never get what you want if you opt to do nothing.

Getting everything you want starts with ... asking.

You must first ask for what you want. That might be a most uncomfortable conversation.

Because what you want may, at first, sting.

What you want isn't what your partners may want. It rarely is.

And then from there ... it's their turn to ask.

Careful. It may sting. But where there's love, there's compromise.



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Unknown said...

Do you mean wants such as getting involved with another person? If so, I would caution ("be careful what you wish for") as your partner may reveal that s/he wants something similar, too.

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