Thursday, January 7, 2010

Over Communicating

Hello. My name is Polyfulcrum, and I'm an over-communicator. (Crowd waves. "Hi, Polyfulcrum!")

Communication, communication, communication. It's a common poly mantra. What do you need to make this whole thing work? Well, good communication skills, of course! Then, there's me. I've been known to push for that extra level of information sharing, the next step in resolution, just one more concern to be addressed! For me, it's a way of sharing intimacy, to share information, to talk, to be open. For some, this can feel like control, a way of forcing intimacy, of not being content with what is freely given, since I'm implicitly asking for more.

So, having identified this as a potential problem, what can I do to move towards a solution? Well, as simple as this sounds, I can just shut the F up, listen to what is said without pushing to find out what is not said, and actually allow the conversations I share with others to remain at the level that is comfortable to them. Sometimes, people just want to have a relaxed discussion, and not wax all philosophical, and that's going to be sufficient!

There may be times where others use a lack of information sharing, or under communicating, as a means of self-protection or control as well. Being able to discern the difference between, "I'm just all talked out." and "I don't want to share with you." is a skill that is good to hone. The first seems pretty reasonable, even if it isn't something that often happens to me. The latter is not something that I want to promulgate (Thanks for bringing that vocab word back up, D!) on a relationship level.

Now, I do have several people in my orbit that are similar to me in this way. Discussing relationships, ideas, examining nuances and shades of meaning is just fascinating stuff for us! Really, never gets old. The trick is to know when to shut it off, and just enjoy sharing someones company. And if I'm REALLY in the mood to just talk my fool head off, well, I know people that are going to be willing to do that with me, and I would be well-served to seek out their company, instead of pulling out the entrails of a conversation with someone that would rather just eat the steak without really seeing that it did come from an actual animal. ;)

1 comment:

livingtotears said...

ack! ~ i resemble this entire post. thank you for some good reminders!