Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Home again

This is one of those weeks in poly-world that leads me to wonder if I'm getting stuck in my ways. Both of my partners have been out and about dating, and I'm struggling a bit with feeling outside the flow. Mind you, it's not like I've been sitting at home alone, it's just that I have no external stuff going on currently. Heck, it's been quite a while since I've had a solo date with anyone outside the household, at least for anything more intensive than coffee.

Part of me is very happy and contented with life the way it is, and then there's the other piece that feels like I've lost contact with my sense of adventure. This is sort of ridiculous, since I don't really enjoy dating all that much. I prefer getting to the relationship part of things, enjoying the emotional (and physical!) fun of being "with" someone.

So, why the bubble of angst? It may have to do with feeling like it's on me to deal with the majority of the usual domestic routines, since I don't have anything more pressing to attend to. Not that anyone is saddling me with anything out of the ordinary, it just feels that way.

Such ridiculous self-pitying crap is indulgent, and ignores the way both my partners are making efforts to stay engaged and involved when they are home. It doesn't acknowledge my own role in keeping my social circle small, and not actively seeking out new connections, largely due to time constraints.

Slapping myself around when I can feel the martyr start to creep in is one of the things I'm not half bad at! This leads to great attitude adjustments, and remembering to use my big girl words if there is something I want from PG or S.

It seems like 95% of the time when something like this crops up, I can look around and see myself not saying something, either to appear brave or self-sufficient, or not needy. How does this get me closer to what I want? It doesn't.

Here's the four step process that gets me out of this particular hole: 1) Ask- for what I want. 2) Acknowledge- that it's okay to feel uncomfortable at times, and that isn't a personal failure, or an error on the part of my partners. 3) Accept-the results of my own choices, especially when it's inconvenient. 4) Action- take any corrective action and move forward.

By staying conscious through the minor things, like this, it gives a great base to draw from when something bigger crops up. Even when I am at home. Again.


livingtotears said...

i love your four steps, and i admire your self-awareness, self-introspection, and your willingness to be vulnerable to ask for what you want or need, balanced with personal responsibility.

hang in there!

polyfulcrum said...

Oh, it's all good! These little wiggles inside one's heart are instructive.

Now, I _did_ watch the #13 episode of the Family webseries last night after I posted, and that just about sucked me in! Too close to home feeling. Click the link on the side panel to watch it, if you're curious.

Anonymous said...

Grin - sounds like I should help out more with the laundry!


Anonymous said...

Hi there, I just want you to know that your blog has done me a world of good since I wrote on FL about wanting a poly mentor! I have gotten to a mental place that is 90% of the time a peaceful existence.I am Very appreciative!!!


polyfulcrum said...

Thanks Brandi! Glad that you've been finding value in these shared thoughts. It's motivational to keep putting stuff out there.

It's good to hear that things are smoothing out for you and your connections. :) Congrats on your successes.