Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Creating space

There are so many reasons that people need space to themselves in life. I've always tended towards wanting more time with others than with myself, but that isn't the case for many others. Finding a way to create space within your mutual life for each person to have individual time, for other connections, for their hobbies, for personal development, is an important skill to develop, and one that hasn't come naturally to me.

Right now, both PG and S are needing more space than usual for other pursuits. It's tempting to cling, but I am making a real effort to learn to enjoy more space of my own. This sort of reminds me of when I started lifting weights. It felt repetitive, time-consuming, boring, too deliberate, and didn't allow me to check out as I was lifting. I much preferred the more active types of cardio, or yoga, something that I could get in the zone and just _do_. Over time, it got easier and easier to find value in lifting. The exertion on a focused level, the flexion and extension, getting inside my muscles and really connecting with movement became an end unto itself. In that same way, I am looking to learn to anticipate time with self, and enjoy the space that I am giving to others as a gift to myself.

Fortunately, I like my own company, and I do have others that I can spend time with while I'm "on my own" in the household. The kids enjoy having my focus, perhaps a bit too much, but this is a good point to help them start to develop the skills I'm working on acquiring myself. You never know, I might actually learn a thing or two in the process... ;)


Anonymous said...

Dear Polyfulcrum, I love your journals, in fact, I print out every new one and have collected them all in a binder. There is one theme you seem to have avoided, and that is a post on hygiene. I would very much appreciate a comment on how you protect yourselves against infectious diseases, be it a metamour having a flu (reporting routines? kissing forbidden?) or veneral diseases. What sort of agreements do you have as to contaseptives use and mutual information. Thanks, Amalie

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the compliment, Amalie! I'm glad you are finding value in this journal. You're right, I haven't posted on STI risk to this point.

We looked at fluid bonding, which touches heavily in that direction, at the discussion group a few months ago, and it was one of the most heated discussions to date! People seem to have very strong feelings about it, and there are many versions of sexual health practices being used by poly folk.

Here's a website to help find common ground on this with your partners:

In the household, we tend towards the, "your germs are my germs" model, as far as colds etc. If you catch it, those are the breaks! Particularly having kids around, there isn't a lot of safe personal space to quarantine anyone well. With outside partners, we tend to inform and leave it in their camp if they want to postpone a date until a specific illness clears up.

I'll cover more on the STI front in a separate post, but this at least gets the ball rolling!