Why Social Acceptance of Polyamory is Inevitable

Marwidge.

I must be honest with you: I giggle gleefully when another state passes a law allowing for same-sex marriages. I quickly share the news around Facebook in an attempt to remind conservative associates that they're on the wrong side of history.  It's my happy dance.

And thus I look at social recognition and acceptance of Polyamory as inevitable. Because of what's happened before ... concerning the expansion of freedom afforded to women. It's all about the chics. Why? Let's talk about marriage for a minute.

1. It Used to Be All About the Money

Marriage was (arguably still is) all about the money. Marriage is all about the means of transferring wealth and assets through inheritance and keeping wealth within a family. In ancient Greece, a woman whose father had died without male heirs would have been forced to marry her nearest male relative, even if she had to divorce her own husband first. Today, women are still exchanged for dowries in some cultures. And men used to wife-swap to gain political and economic advantage. Why? Money. Inheritance is a running theme here so pay attention.

2. Polygamy Was Considered Normal

It was common (and is still common in many cultures today) that men took on multiple wives to improve their odds at delivering surviving children. Surviving children was necessary to guarantee the transfer of assets through inheritance (see the trend?).

3. What's Love Got To Do With It?

You know, it's funny, but originally marriage had nothing to do with love. It used to be just a family affair. Prior to the 13th century, marriages were about contractually combining families and assets (oh, there it is again). Women were obliged to marry to perpetuate ownership of things. Arranged marriages were the way to ensure matters of inheritance; with the rise of modern markets and transportation, individuals (not families) could opt for their own financial entanglements.

4. The Government Wasn't Involved

Massachusetts introduced marriage licensing in 1639 and most states required licensing by the 19th century. State-sanctioned marriage is a legal acknowledgement of property inheritance for purposes of taxation (oh, more inheritance: the state must keep records so they know who to tax).

5. And Neither Was the Church

It used to be that a man could take on more wives if another wife was unable to bear children; it was even grounds for divorce. It was the Christian church that suggested marriage could be more than just for the sole purpose of procreation and it codified monogamy into its doctrine, contrary to the will of the reigning aristocracy more concerned with inheritance (crap, there it is again!). Before the 13th century, marriages were recognized between families and the Catholic church had no play in it; in 1215, the Catholic church required engaged families to post public notices of marriage to decrease the frequency of invalid contracts and invalid transfer of property (ta-da!).

6. Modern Marriage Evolved from Victorian-Era Romanticism

Okay, so if everything up to the 19th century was about property and retention of family wealth, the rise of the individual took place in the 1700's when Enlightenment thinkers were suggesting that women trapped in loveless marriages were regrettable and that women should have a voice in choosing a partner. By 1840, the virginal white in a wedding gown is started by Queen Victoria, and the concept of feminine chastity and purity pervades western thinking (herein enters social slut-shaming and the fall of courtesans and kept-women, and - not coincidentally - the rise of prostitution as men seek other venues for their sexual affairs). By the end of the 19th century, intimacy revolves around love, couples, and virginal virtue ... and not principally about inheritance and retaining wealth. Women win a philosophical entitlement to happiness and independence.

7. Modern Era Marriage

And by the 20th century, courting and dating started in the 1920's as women won rights for indpeendent thinking and property ownership. Conservatism blossomed to restrain all of those free-thinking, independently-wealthy harlots so that by the 50's, the nuclear family was considered the only socially-acceptable option for any woman. Their children (armed with prophylactic and pharmaceutical approaches to birth control) inspired the sexual revolution in the 60's and challenged the norms of monogamy and the gay movement pushed for broader thinking - at roughly the same time civil rights challenged us to look at the character of individuals and not the color of their skin.

Polyamory will eventually be just as recognized and accepted as heterosexual marriage because of the continued freedom earned by women (and extensibly freedom of mankind, in general, allowing for homosexual entanglement).

What we see since the turn of the 20th century is expansion of individual liberty and freedom of expression for women, not social-constraint or a resurgence of conservatism. In Western societies, women are not chattel: they are not property to be traded or exchanged; they are free to address their own reproductive decision-making; they have their own education; they have their own wealth; they're exposed to broader ideas about love, life, and happiness than any other time in history; they are free to make whatever choices in these affairs they wish to. Choice. To believe that society will further constrict choice, or that women will voluntarily restrain their freedoms, to me, is backwards and implausible, and certainly on the wrong side of history.

Thus Polyamory and its eventual social acceptance and recognition are inevitable.

R

Persephone and Dionysus

 I wish to speak openly to my friends. I ask for your patience: my subject matter may sting.

All of us are children of the Western mind.

In the Western tradition, we’re conditioned to perceive the universe in terms of events spread along a linear continuum, each event stacked against each other moving from the past to future. There is a start to something, a middle of something, and an end to something.

Generally, beginnings are associated with joy, youth, vitality, potency; generally, endings are associated with resignation, futility, old age, impotence, and failure.

We perceive the beginning of things as birth, the middle of things as life, and the end of things as death.

But this is not how things actually are. We are biased. We’re conditioned to perceive the events in our lives through this lens. It’s a product of our socialization and maturation, and the way we conceptualize the passing of time.

So what if we were to wear a different pair of glasses? What if we were to try to see the universe in a different context? In the context of relationships, we might find that:

… Endings are Inevitable. Nothing is immortal in our human condition. It may be helpful to remind ourselves of this fact every time we hold our spouse, caress the nakedness of our secondary partners, or kiss our kids goodnight. All is just temporary bliss; every shared moment is a blessing. We should treat it as such.

… Durations Do Not Matter. Whether a relationship happens in two hours, six days, five months, or twenty years, what you learned from the experience – and how it shapes you as a person - matters more than its duration.

… Endings Conclude Suffering. If a thing struggles in life it will experience pain. Pain hurries decisions, forces us to take corrective action to ease suffering, invites greater disease, makes us uncomfortable and dissatisfied. If the suffering ends for somebody we love, isn’t the end of pain a reward? Isn’t there joy found at the conclusion of suffering?

… Endings Are Beginnings. This is an old idea. Hinduism is just one of many traditions that perceives the universe in cyclic terms. The universe is continuously obliterated in favor of a regenerative process of creative destruction. Art is this way as well: new ideas overlap the destruction of old patterns, processes, and politics. Endings pave the way for new beginnings.

… We Don’t Lose Anything – We Gain Everything. If you buy into my argument, every experienced moment was its own treasure. Relationships aren’t property … memories, feelings, elation, and ecstasy cannot be taken from you by anyone. They are shared experiences. What those experiences mean is up to you.

Maybe what I have to say is frustrating to hear now. Maybe it’ll make sense to you later. Still, my friends, show compassion: allow things to die; end its suffering; learn from its example. Celebrate the rise of new beginnings in the one you love. Do not morn the thing’s passing for you’ve lost nothing and you’ve gained everything – the joy of moments shared will shape you.

Finally, I offer you this:

Live within the reach of your mortality. Every moment is a blessing to be loved, celebrated, and cherished – those moments won’t ever be returned to us again. They are discrete and simple treasures.

Remember your loves. All of your loves. Every day. Strive to set aside the routine pain and focus instead on the joy: caress them, look longingly at them, and remind them that each moment is appreciated.

Live in the time offered by the relationship and do not take the future for granted; look lovingly back upon what was shared as to learn its lessons; let the end of one relationship shape the beginnings of new ones.

To which I raise my glass in this moment and I toast your rebirth. In this moment, you are at once Persephone and Dionysus. 

s1m0n

The "Sushi Factor".

This is something that has come up in many relationships I've been in, observed, or heard about, so perhaps there is some value to be gleaned by putting it out there. In our house, we call it the "sushi factor". Here is how we discovered the S.F.: I'm a fan of sushi, and had invited S to go on several occasions. He pleaded off with, "I just can't stand fish, and raw fish particularly, so that's a no.". Fast forward some number of months, insert a new love interest he was seeing, and suddenly, there is S eating sushi with new person. Color me less than thrilled.

Now, with a "normal" mono relationship, you can go with the, "People change, and maybe they just like it now." theory when you see your ex, who was virulently opposed to xyz now engaged happily in it. Within poly, when you've made a request of partner, gotten a no, and then see them doing that with another partner, it can be a bit tougher to run with that theory.

Oddly enough, there seems to be strong anecdotal evidence that men are at higher risk of stepping in this particular mess. In every case I've directly observed, it's been the guy that said he wasn't interested in (fill in the blank), then proceeds to do it with new partner. Things like a shopping venue, type of food, activity, a sex act, or relationship style.

S and I were talking that over at lunch the other day, and his supposition, which may not be particularly flattering to our male audience, is that the desire to bag a new partner often trumps existing boundaries/preferences with current partners. Hunting instinct.

Now, there are a great many poly folks out there that will say that everyone is entitled to enjoy, or not, whatever types of activities and cuisine they wish to with whomever they want. They'd be right too. However, in practical applied terms, this may not be the best policy to run with.

Real life example from personal history: Back in the swinging days, I was out on a full swap evening with my partner at the time. Things were ramping up sexually, and the man I was playing with went down on me, and began to stimulate me anally as well. After a short time, I noticed that his partner seemed a bit upset, and took a break, grabbing her on the way out of the room to chat. She was embarrassed to admit it, but she was upset because she really enjoyed oral sex with anal stimulation, and asked for that several times, getting a no from her partner. What's the first thing he does out with someone new? Go down on her and stick his finger up her ass! Seriously, does anyone out there reading this think that's a winning strategy for domestic tranquility?

Now, some of you may be inclined to just write this off as NRE insanity, and while there may be an element of truth to that, NRE isn't an excuse for a lack of consideration or sensitivity. In the event that you are out with someone new (or in with them), and they bring up/you have this great idea you've heard before...somewhere...pause for a moment and consider where it originated. If it's with an existing partner, I respectfully suggest that it might be worth holding off on doing with the new person, and giving your existing partner first shot at it.

Now, am I unhappy that I can now sometimes cadge S into going to have sushi? No, I'll leverage that NRE-induced experimental bent for all it's worth! However, it would have been much nicer and possibly built more trust and intimacy in our relationship to have that level of willingness to try something extended my way without the need for NRE intoxication.

Note: This whole concept applies only to those things that everyone is willing to do/try. There is no suggestion that anyone should "take one for the team", or feel pressured to do something they don't want to do.

Half Year of Shifting

Wow. So... it's been a long time since I've posted to this blog. Miss me? :)

I haven't been in a poly-philosophical place lately and continue to not be there. But I thought the readership would appreciate a glimpse into the background of what's going on in our household -- or at least for me anyway.

The following significant events have happened around me in the last six months:

* The woman who was my Heart Keeper relationship had her husband move out after their divorce finalized.

* A few weeks later, I lost my fluid-bond status with my Heart Keeper. She got into a relationship with a guy that PF and S were nervous about and that flared drama a couple months earlier.

* I went on a week's vacation during the 4th of July week with our poly family and it felt uncomfortable. I began the process of re-thinking a lot of things in my life.

* My Heart Keeper's relationship with new guy deepened even further as he assumed a more central role in her life as her fluid-bonded partner. I felt pushed more to the periphery. When I asked for equal time, it was firmly, instantly denied.

* Made the difficult decision to transition my Heart Keeper relationship from Lovers to Friends -- in the hope that we might be able to salvage emotional intimacy even if we had less physical intimacy.

* Continued my thought process about how uncomfortable I've been in this cohabiting poly situation. PF and I went through couples counseling for a few sessions and then decided to separate at the end of August.

* As a part of my life re-evaluation, I sought closure about my biological father. He was an abusive alcoholic and even though my mom left with me when I was 3 years old, his absence was a significant factor in my life. So, I created a ceremony to give voice to those feelings as well as symbolically bond with what elements of him I could.

* Two weeks ago I finally accepted the fact that my Heart Keeper relationship was really over. Our transition to friends just did not feel good to me at all. Although the intent was to forge a comfortable closeness, I felt even less important to her than ever. I said goodbye to her ex-husband, children and her. The toughest Sunday I've had in a long time -- ripping four people out of my life. I loved them all in different ways.

* Almost a week ago, my oldest half-sister on my father's side died. Reminding me how little time remains for me to develop connections with my siblings on my father's side. We only re-connected 10 years ago.

----

So, here I am now. Today. Writing the first blog post I've written here in a long time. Still consider myself poly, but seriously doubting that I want to have this flavor of cohabiting polyamory. I feel a bit of an outcast for having those thoughts. After all, it feels like when you become polyamorous you sign a virtual contract to make it work no matter what. Once people have formed poly relationships, the footprint grows and changing course becomes more difficult. Once you add in more financial ties like shared expenses and housing, that footprint can feel like a suffocating snarl of responsibilities.

Where am I with my marriage? Well, we've actually had some good, connective discussions in the last week. So, things look more positive than they have in months. But things are still complicated. Both my wife and I have done things that have violated our trust in each other. And I'm still smarting from the hammer fall of a lot of recent pain.

I also don't want to slip down the destructive trail of demonizing my fellow housemates. They're both good people, doing the best they can.

Squim

Walking in, I shut the door, closed the blinds, and we stripped and ripped away the blankets from the twin bed in the spare room. I forced her on her back and buried my head between her legs. She writhed. She drenched me, my face soaked in cum.

Five hours. Spring air blowing past and into my palm. Sun was out; it was eighty degrees. My music was loud and consuming. Ancient green trees cast long shadows over the road. The road curves, the car leans and tilts, and the water stretches on to our right for miles into the Sound. She laughs.

Fire, in its place, the corner of a living room, and her before it - sprawled, nude, exhausted, flawless; womanly curves in a foreign space of light and shadow.

Shoot. Forgot the steaks. We leave the resort. Sunlight cascades across the water and through the tops of trees in a sea of evergreen. Eastward, to the Indian casino, the road lead on, but all they had were panini's. Another ten minutes, the clerk said, and we'd be in Sequim - "Squim", it sounded like; it was a funny word. Squim. Squim. Squidy-Squim. We giggled and Squimed and fetched the steaks.

It was the fourth time and the blankets were soaked and flesh was raw and her flesh was hot and flushed, and I collapsed on the bed to her right; the fire had made the room so balmy. I needed to open the sliding glass door. Cold water.

She hates the pictures in the room. They're too bland, too institutional.

Coffee. Orange juice. Breakfast with all the things I like. Her in a transparent red nighty that barely covers her ass. Sunrise on the porch. The light is blinding. We talk about poly.

I greased the grill with a touch of olive oil and turned on the gas. She poured the Merlot. Spices: salt, pepper, garlic. A little onion. The steaks: lean, juicy, savory - asparagus, she told me, takes three years to grow. I didn't know that.

Grabbing my bag, I left my bedroom and snagged my camera because I didn't want to forget it. I tucked it into my travel case. I had everything I needed - finally, the vacation can begin. I sat down at my PC and prepared to get a map. "I already have the directions," she said, and held up the printout. She smiled, big white teeth flashed between fully ruby lips. "Let's go." Enticing.

Sunday. 5:30 the morning. The bed's headboard strikes the wall. Repetitively. I wonder if the people above us could hear that? And at 6:30, hmm - I wonder if they heard _that_?

Fuck - cops everywhere on the road today, but KnightRider is tailing my ass and wants me to go faster. He follows, closes, and backs off, then does it again. And again. He makes me nervous. A curb and turn-out lane. I pull over and let Kitt go past me. Young guy, early twenties, thick sunglasses, and a fast car. He is alone. He doesn't see what I see in the road; he doesn't feel what I feel in the drive. He is ignorant of the moment. His dark sunglasses peer at me, a void.

She reads. I write. It's now 9:04am. What to do... what to do? We will Squim.

s1m0n

That which survives...

...is not always the same.

POLYGESTALT COMPARES THEN AND NOW.

I've been thinking lately about my friend s1m0n. A lot of people reading this blog don't have any of the back history. So, here's the nutshell.

We met each other on a local multi-phone-line BBS called Foundation Earth around 1992. I had just recently moved back in to live with my parents from a stint away in college. BBS's were an important social networking node for me as I had no local friends in the city where my parents retired. We played role-playing games (RPGs) both online and in person. (Back in the day when an online RPG meant either just writing text stories or playing on a MUD -- we were the text-writing sorts.)

Back then, s1m0n was known more for his creativity than his business acumen. Although, sometimes distracted by rules ("Read the docs!") or character nuance ("Newton's hair is not blue!"), s1m0n was (and still is) one of the best storytellers I know when he puts his mind to it. Couple that with a flair for drawing and I totally thought he was going to write comic books or go down a much more creative path.

But ya know, we all change. While he was always a very motivated person, within the first few years that I knew him, he kicked his ambition into high gear. His priorities shifted and he began to devote more of his energy into both business development and computers. He became a father -- anyone who has gone through that knows that certainly shifts your priorities even further. (As I'm also a father, I totally understand.)

Over the period from 1997 to 2007, s1m0n and I saw each other less and less -- to the lowest point which was seeing each other once or twice a year even though we lived in the same city. His last wife's "no friends" insecurity mandate was most of the reason for the last few years of that.

Then in 2007, he and my wife developed a deeper bond and suddenly he was slammed back into my life in a full time capacity unprecedented in our relationship. I was seeing him all the time, but doubts abounded. How much of his desire to be here was my wife and how much was his friendship with me? Without crawling into his brain, I doubt there's a way to really evaluate that, but I came to accept the situation as a positive one.

So, how are things now? Well, although I see him on a daily basis now, I'm not sure just how close we are. I guess it fluxuates. Most of the time, I'm glad to have a great metamor that handles his life responsibly and treats my wife with the love and respect she deserves. Sometimes, I feel like there is something between us that bends the friendship from feeling completely comfortable -- a princess and the pea kind of feeling. I'm not sure how much of that feeling is just simply having to live with a partner that I'm not romantically attached to and sharing life responsibilities with. And how much is some mild sense of lingering rivalry over our shared womanly resource.

Things are just different.

Dating- solo or tandem/group?

PF-

There are so many approaches that can be taken when dating poly! Depending on current moods, various partners, and who I'm interested in, I'll date solo, or as a couple, or even in a group. The question of how to date effectively, giving each person time and attention, can be a bit daunting! There are egos involved, safety concerns, time management issues and so much more.

PG and I started dating when I was 18, married at 19, so I didn't do a lot of dating before that time. There were a couple of guys I saw, usually concurrently, a little experimentation before I met PG at college, but really no significant stuff to that point. I remember calling up the three guys I'd been dating casually a week or so after PG and I started seeing each other and telling them goodbye. What cracked me up was how they were all suddenly MUCH more interested than they had been previously!

After opening things up, we did some swinging, what many consider to be the "gateway drug" of choice to polyamory. Even pretty early on, PG found that he prefers to be on his own, while I like a team approach. We've tried various configurations, but have come to a place where we decided that we're either on a date with each other, or with others, but not both at the same time for the most part.

S and I have been trying tandem dating out over the past six months or so. Thus far, things have been going pretty well there, although I tend to get more wiggly inside when he's out solo than I would like. We are a couple of pretty gregarious people, so team dating actually works well for us, although getting us to shut up long enough to get a word in edgewise can be a bit of a challenge. ;)

The fun part of dating in a couple or group is that there is a dynamic that I share with my partners that is really enjoyable to share with others. Our friends are familiar with this as well, but it adds a different dimension when we can flirt cooperatively!

A challenging piece is that it is tougher to get someone to open up and have a more intimate conversation, often exponentially so, as more people are sharing the same space, particularly if they are introverted.

Obviously, I tend to be a bit of an open book, and generally present an expectation that those I choose to interact with intimately are similarly transparent, but that can be an unrealistic idea when trying to connect with someone who is a little more reserved.

This is where the solo dating thing comes in handy! When I run across someone I find utterly fascinating who is also a bit introverted (love you, PG!) it makes the most sense to enjoy their company in an undiluted fashion.

This isn't to say that I don't also spend solo time with my more extroverted partners, as there is something particularly wonderful about the energy of two people interacting without any distractions, but it is easier to maintain a sense of connection in group settings with extroverts, since they tend to stay more "open" energetically, even in busy environments.

It seems like the tandem date is a bit of a poly specific phenomena, with possible exception being swingers hunting the HBB. Getting the hang of that style of dating is a bit of a challenge, but one I enjoy at times. The main focus, solo or tandem, remains the same: connect with another person, seeing them as a unique and interesting individual I wish to grow closer to.

Whistling in the dark

PF-

There have been a few posts here where I've talked about being an exhibitionist. Continuing to think about the underlying motivators for that particular kink, there are things that have bubbled to the surface that aren't perhaps obvious, so I wanted to share.

When I was a kid, my family was overseas for a while. In a country where I was an extreme minority, there was a lot of attention, constantly. I absolutely hated it. There was no where I could go, nothing I could do that wasn't scrutinized. When I was ten, someone sexually assaulted me for the sheer novelty of fucking someone of my ethnicity. I knew instinctively that it wasn't something that my parents would be able to handle, so I kept it to myself for many years. As an adult, I've worked through the ramifications of those events within myself and with my partners.

There are many women I've met that have experienced some version of the above story. Some of us spiral down into powerlessness and damage, some of us turn the experience around as motivation to become stronger than those who would seek to harm or diminish us. I'd like to think that I'm one of the latter.

It feels good to turn expectations on end and go in an entirely different direction. When I take my clothes off and experience pleasure where others can see me, I am whistling in the dark, defiant, showing that I don't fear appearing naked, am not ashamed of my sexuality, that my body is something I cherish even though it has been turned against me in the past. I court the attention that was previously a burden, but on my own terms, from a position of power and of my own choosing.

When you next see me at an event enjoying myself in the fullness of empowerment that comes with reclaiming pieces of self, take a moment to hug me so that I know you have seen me and appreciate the energy that I am bringing to the space. If you want to join me exploring that dynamic, please do! No one can take my potential away from me, and I celebrate S and PG for being with me on the path to self-discovery.

We are more than the sum of our part(ner)s.

PF-



There's an odd communal consciousness that can develop when living with others. I noticed this with PG fairly early on in our marriage. He'd get a bit freaked out by how deeply into his head I would dip at times. "Where's the....?" "Second shelf behind the peanut butter. No, on the _left_!" "What am I looking for anyways?" "You're looking for the syrup, aren't you?" "Ok, that's just creepy!" Now, I'm starting to notice little bits and pieces of that happening with PG, S and I as well.



It's sort of like the idea that people start to look like their pets, only in an interpersonal way. How does one maintain a sense of individuality when it can be so much easier to just drift into the flow of the group mind? I even find myself using "we" even more frequently than I used to, no royal aspirations intended!



PG has a more well-developed sense of self than I, and so does S. I'm not sure why I have a mushy sense of self, at least within the context of my larger family dynamic. It reminds me of when I was back in jazz band. I very consciously chose to have one of the inner parts, despite having talent enough to take solos and so on. I much preferred being part of the collective to standing out, in spite of being worthy of notice as an individual.

While I am certain that I have more self-confidence and sense of my own worth than I did at 17, is this tendency to blend into my family a vestige of a time when life was not so rosy, and being able to conceal who I was was a useful tool? When unseen, it was easier to have freedom of movement.

Now I lead a fairly public life. Others know quite a bit about me, about us. Oddly, when we started this blog up, it was fairly balanced in participation. Now I am the main contributor. Part of me is wondering how I ended up here, largely on my own, exposing my inner self to others? Part of me is sure that this is exactly where I need to be right now, sharing about my family, but also working through things that are all about me, learning that I am indeed more than the sum of my partners.

Puppy Ambush

POLYGESTALT REPORTING:

And now we enter the minds of our puppies...

Bella: "I say we make our move to take out the bald one."

Donna: "Yeah, he's always scolding us when we go potty on the carpet. What's that about anyway? Doesn't he understand it's cold and wet outside this time of year?"

Bella: "Agreed. So, here's the plan. We act like we're playing hard, minding our own business--"

Donna: "Ooh! I love tooth-wrestling! Just don't pull too hard on my ear again, that freakin' hurt."

Bella: "Yeah, yeah, no worries. Remember, that part is just the distraction. While he's sitting on the floor next to the couch, I'll jump up and start licking his head--"

Donna: "Ooh! Good idea! He doesn't seem to mind that, it'll lull him into a false sense of security!"

Bella: "Exactly! Then you jump into his lap, like you're still tracking me to get in another good bite. While he's paying attention to you, I'll whip around the right side of his head and try to bite off his nose. He'll be so shocked that you can then leap up and bite off his upper lip!"

Donna: "Mmmmm... *slurp* I can almost taste success!"

Bella: "Get your muzzle out of your butt and let's get this op under way."

==================

Needless to say, they executed their plan almost flawlessly! Only their relative lack of experience allowed me to get away with more of my nose and upper lip intact than they intended.

Since I couldn't banish or punish them too severely due to their tender age, the only recourse I had available to me Saturday night was to seek the comfort of an elixer to sooth my nerves --
"the hair of the dogs that bit me!" You see, just the prior day, I found a drink recipe for a drink called the "Bella Donna." So, I whipped up a batch for s1m0n, polyfulcrum and myself.

Here's the recipe:

2 tsp Sugar

2 oz Fresh Lemon Juice

Fill mixing glass with ice

2.5 oz Dark Rum

2.5 oz Amaretto

Shake. Strain into a chilled glass.