Like, what exactly do you get the girlfriend of your girlfriend's husband's girlfriend's husband? There is this problem of language and position that doesn't meet the familiar model of either seniority or degrees of separation from your mom (well, that's how I rank people in my universe). How do you know what to spend or prepare a gift that isn't seemingly trivial or inane, like an "Here's-an-I-recognize-your-presence-Gift" of a coffee mug? That's almost insulting. "I recognize your place in our pod. I've gotten you some tea bags. Enjoy."
Is there an obligation to extend special gifting consideration to those you've had full-blown sex with vs just a casual snuggle on a frisky Saturday night? I dunno about you, guys, but this one has puzzled me. Obviously this other person means something and I should go and get something, but is there a graduating scale of gift valuation directly related to the degree of intimacy? Imagine what the lack of a gift could say? Yikes!
Kids? Should there be an effort to bring gifts around to children who'd may be a bit confused why so much attention comes from somebody they barely know? Then again, like they're going to refuse a gift... "Hey, look: it's another package." "It's for you, Sally." "Huh-Who's Michael?" "Who cares?!?!?!" Rip rip shred shred...
How about the husband of the woman you're dating - should you coordinate so that both of you don't over-do the other? It'd be kind of awkward if we both got her the same perfume. Shouldn't there be some coordination?
And then Christmas cards. Nothing really says, "Thinking about your wife this Christmas", or, "From our pod, to yours...", or, "Next year, I'll bring the Unicorn", or, "I hope you and your husbands find Jesus this season." Meh.
I guess I've made the best of it this year by declining to circulate any gifts. It's just a policy I'm taking on this year to protest commercialism but I think it's also a way to save my bacon. I need to regroup and think more on these things so I'll have a better plan next year. I gotta go.
s1m0n
hmm... you shared an idea a while back that was awesome ~ something about writing down special moments, little things your love does/did that touched your heart... capturing those moments and sharing them, with your appreciation and gratitude...?
ReplyDeleteit seems like something similar might be perfect in the context of metamours too. with the premise that even if you don't know the metamours well, he/she is someone who has contributed to the growth and joy in your girlfriends' lives...
with the premise that their presence, love, perspectives, and qualities touch your love's heart, and by doing that, their feelings and actions towards/with your girlfriends also touch your heart...?
maybe a note or homemade card or computer printed verse, conveying that ~ similar to the monthly note idea you shared previously...? (i *loved* that idea.)
thinking out loud...
"we don't know each other well, yet i see how your words, your perspectives, your qualities, your love have added to "susan's" life, joy, and heart.
in touching her heart, you have touched mine. thank you for that. from my heart to yours, i am grateful."
if you know the metamour a little bit better, then you can give a little thing they'd like with the appreciation card... if you'd don't really know the metamour well, then maybe insert a small heart trinket in the card, so it's a little symbolic something that adds to the appreciation note without breaking the bank...?
cause umm.... your thankful idea was awesome, and it seems like it can just be used in different flavors pretty much anywhere. that's how awesome it was.
Grin - yes, and that's a great gift but logistically (and emotionally) not feasible with many of my extended pod! I do like some of that, though, being spread around metamours and more intimate connections...
ReplyDeleteAnd I like the home-made ideas the best, too, LTT... and I like your example here. Laugh - thanks - I'm glad you appreciated it. Now if I could only have 100 ideas just like that one, I'd be stoked...
s1m0n
God, I am so glad my partner only has one significant girlfriend! Gift giving was easy this year :) Who knows what next Xmas will hold. . . :)
ReplyDeleteThere's only one solution: a "Secret Santa" grab bag!
ReplyDelete