Ok. Polyfolk, I have a question. How many relationships/connections does a potential partner have to have before you decide that person is too busy or doesn't have enough time for you?
I ask this because I think that while a person may be poly, there is still a strong urge in most (if not all) of us to want to have a significant portion of a person's time if we're going to be romantically linked. And, I think that most people will make that snap judgement without consulting their person of interest.
Example:
"Oh, he's already seeing 2,643 women, he surely doesn't have time for me!"
What is that point for you? Or is the number of connections that someone has not even a factor for you?
Is this like the eternal question: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? I'd have to go with the turtle on that one.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I look at red flag questions first:
ReplyDelete-Does the person live a good distance away?
-Do they drive if so?
-Are they working and/or in school?
-Are those working or school hours compatible with mine?
-How many serious partners do they already have?
From there I can usually gauge whether or not they can meet my needs as a partner.
Obviously in the beginning I'd only require casual dating and from there I refer to my red flag questions to see if I'd want to pursue it more seriously from there.
A major red flag for me would be if they can't make time to email/call/text or whatever with me once a week at least and can't commit to set a day to do things with a good enough notice, then they probably don't have time to meet my needs as a more than casual partner.
So far I've encountered all those poly people who are too busy for new partners but try anyway and it is bumming me out! I should go back and re-read Partner Selection!