tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post5622886344210431531..comments2024-03-28T02:02:33.131-07:00Comments on Journals of a Polyamorous Triad: In rejection of a popular perception of loveUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-59402847471752648132010-05-29T17:29:04.515-07:002010-05-29T17:29:04.515-07:00and for me...I feel.well weird and a bit ashamed?B...and for me...I feel.well weird and a bit ashamed?Bad? because I still love the person I was in my last relationship with...who treated me the way he was taught from his background...and I Can empathize..and Still take care of me.I feel weird that I had More fun with him(hanging out, doing activities, discovering parts of life together) more than Any person I've ever known...yet he verbally and emotionally abused me.I know I participated a lot in staying.<br /><br />I am still trying to come to terms with these feelings.I am happy to know that last time we spoke months agao...he was in counseling..finally!designergrlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-52889185834313708692010-05-27T15:42:03.833-07:002010-05-27T15:42:03.833-07:00Wow! I never thought of it that way. I thought the...Wow! I never thought of it that way. I thought the normal model was for people to just lose interest and drift apart. Or at least, that is the healthy model. People may or may not feel pain from a break-up like that. It just depends on how evenly the feelings were balanced.<br /><br />Whatever pain comes from conflicts within the relationship should be a separate matter, and that should be addressed through communication. Perhaps breaking up would occur from an inability to resolve those conflicts, in which case the parties involved should have discussed all the options before calling it quits. I think the idea is that people are considered heartless if they take the breakup option too quickly. That may be true for some people, but for others it is a sign of wisdom.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-90744571836654592282010-05-27T13:40:04.618-07:002010-05-27T13:40:04.618-07:00Pain is normally an indicator of a problem, whethe...Pain is normally an indicator of a problem, whether it is physical or emotional. Suffering is the state of enduring pain. There are times when it might be reasonable to choose to stay in such a situation, despite the pain, and there are times to leave.<br /><br />At no time is it somehow arbitrarily valuable to endure suffering. I don't get points for that. I believe that there are people in the world who behave as if suffering has some inherent virtue, but I have never seen evidence to support this position. <br /><br />Suffering for a cause, to better myself (hard work leading to a better/stronger me), or to better humanity (true martyrdom) are potentially virtuous. It depends on the situation. There must be a likelihood of progress being made that is directly attributable to the actions that are generating the suffering, or the suffering itself.<br /><br />In the case of relationships, supporting someone through a time of grief or loss is one example of behavior that generates suffering, but can well be worth it. <br /><br />Remaining in a place where I am enduring pain, when I have no reasonable expectation of gaining value in the future from said pain, is simply not productive. It's just pain.<br /><br />Fear can keep me there. Confusion can keep me there. Guilt can keep me there. Anger can keep me there. Desire can keep me there. I believe those are traps.<br /><br />When I have identified that a situation is not working for me, that I am suffering with no perceived value attached (now or in the future), then it is reasonable for me to seek to modify the situation to alleviate the suffering. <br /><br />Sometimes someone is acting out of malice, or disingenuously, but all of this is possible without someone being the "bad guy".<br /><br />Okay, that's a lot of words. I will stop for now.Davehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10991890044034534596noreply@blogger.com