tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post2249447618560738189..comments2024-03-28T02:02:33.131-07:00Comments on Journals of a Polyamorous Triad: Polyamory 101: JealousyUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-67621656282868063882012-12-01T08:34:39.157-08:002012-12-01T08:34:39.157-08:00@Annelle -
In my opinion, if someone finds diffi...<br />@Annelle - <br /><br />In my opinion, if someone finds difficulty dealing with these emotions constructively and are constantly struggling with them, I would absolutely suggest maybe Polyamory isn't for them. That would be their own journey and conclusion. I'd definitely err on healthy over stress, contention, and unhappiness.<br /><br />Monogamous and polyamorous feel these emotions in just the same way. It's hard for poly people, too, when their partner wants to be with someone else. Envy and jealousy are a problem. <br /><br />Under monogamy you can dismiss these feelings because the structure of monogamy forbids it. These emotions are not likely to be dealt with constructively as they're felt in the context of social shame arising from the breaking of that commitment.<br /><br />Under polyamory, we're forced to reason with these emotions and still maintain relationships - removing the shame, removing the reactions we've been trained to feel. And part of that negotiation may be to temporarily suspend dating new partners, as you bring up. It's a tool to deal with the emotion. <br /><br />I don't know if asking for that control is bad, Annelle. I'd see it as a reasonable request ... I made a similar request of my wife when we first started.<br /><br />For me, I think the danger sign would be if the control is never lifted ... the control is permanently exercised for one party to feel secure. The greater degrees of control represents a need for someone to feel better about the situation, and those controls may lead down a path of resentment.<br /><br />Thanks for reading!<br />s1m0n<br /> <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-73470839621798315262012-12-01T08:16:00.559-08:002012-12-01T08:16:00.559-08:00@Cheryl -
Awesome and congratulations! Eleven ye...<br />@Cheryl - <br /><br />Awesome and congratulations! Eleven years is amazing ... that's wonderful! Thank you so much for reading ...<br /><br />s1m0n Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-90036518408927989552012-12-01T08:13:20.210-08:002012-12-01T08:13:20.210-08:00@dave94015 -
Hi! And thanks for reading. I would...<br />@dave94015 - <br /><br />Hi! And thanks for reading. I would completely agree, especially on the perspective of a 'threshold' and on working harder at it than monogamy. <br /><br />Not that monogamous relationships are without envy and jealousy - and I think it's important to say that - but monogamy deals with these emotions through attempts to suppress them. <br /><br />If we lean a little further to Western Religion and its role in providing faith to combat/stifle these emotions as sins within monogamy rather than try to understand them. Your character or eternal soul rests on your ability to not understand these things but remove them, which isn't - in my mind - very healthy for anyone concerned.<br /><br />Thanks again for reading!<br />RAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-85123598855497827472012-12-01T03:31:17.515-08:002012-12-01T03:31:17.515-08:00What a great entry. Celebrating 11 years with my ...What a great entry. Celebrating 11 years with my primary today - this is a topic we faced more than once. We have worked through it with lots of communication and honesty.<br /><br />Thank you for sharing your wonderful insight.Mama Buffyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06904342962146908886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-30829075321097821882012-11-30T23:19:52.763-08:002012-11-30T23:19:52.763-08:00But, especially with someone new, how do you know ...But, especially with someone new, how do you know if their jealousy is just a sign that a poly relationship just isn't for them and they'd be better suited to something open like swinging or perhaps, totally monogamous. If you asked a monogamous person if they'd be jealous about their partner spending a significant amount of time with another and having sexual and romantic liaisons, most would say yes. That isn't because they are emotionally retarded, it is because they are monogamous. How do you know when this is the case for someone who identifies as poly? The reason I ask is because it isn't uncommon or unreasonable for someone poly to ask that their new partner not make other connections until your new relationship is settled, sort of thing. Asking that, however, can also be a sign that they aren't fully comfortable with their partner having other partners and they will always feel negatively about it. I guess I am looking for warning signs. Are there any?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185392299875772158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404345771022225541.post-35518097023588107572012-11-30T23:12:55.110-08:002012-11-30T23:12:55.110-08:00I think you hinted at the root cause of at least j...I think you hinted at the root cause of at least jealousy - insecurity. It doesn't help that society generally regards polyamory as "abnormal" with their smug "I told you this would happen" reactions. It means that the threshold for polyamory is a lot higher and those who want to preserve these relationships have to work a lot harder at keeping them or default to monogamy.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05868637377608995460noreply@blogger.com