Suffice it to say that I've been living the grand poly lifestyle and ran headlong into a nest of sticky wickets. The long of the short story is that horrible mistakes were made, feelings were hurt, and a lot of hard work is being done by everyone to lick their wounds and right all the wrongs. My heart hasn't been in writing about love. It's been a terribly long month and I'm glad it is over.
Reflecting lately as I have on the lifestyle of Polyamory, the more I'm convinced that it's more a journey of self-discovery - more that than a destination, a label, a title, or an orientation. Polyamory is a process.
It is a process of reinvention, continuously re-examining your beliefs and your assumptions, to arrive at something more genuine and more authentic in your relationships. Along the way, through heartbreak, tears, anger, frustration, and fear, you change. You learn about yourself - your limitations, your inadequacies, your strengths, and your capabilities - that (hopefully) will make you a better partner, lover, friend, wife or husband.
After all, caught in a complex web of relationships between n-number of people, how could we ever assume everything can and will remain static? Polyamory through its nature inherently invites change and ensures that the status quo is invariably short-lived. Poly is an awesome catalyst for self-discovery.
And for me, there's been a lot of work this month on self-discovery. I think I'll leave it at that, but I will say that for a long time I've been intensely focused on outcomes - the final destination - in my own Polyamorous relationships. Yet lately, I'm more likely to focus almost entirely on the now. Living the now, enjoying the now, accepting what the now is and what it can offer. Loving everything about what the now can be.
I recently read that Benjamin Franklin asked himself in the morning, "What good shall I do today?" Okay, so lately my spin on Benny has been, "Today, what good can I do for each of my partners?" What can I do, right now, today, to make the most of each bond in my life, and to accept the joy that each of them brings me, instead of focusing on the end-game. Take it one day at a time. Enjoy what becomes. And it's helping.
R